I'm Sorry
by Frenchtoastlovr94
Summary: Rukia gets unwanted visitors and her life is turned upside down for good, and to top it all of a certain red-headed captain has been giving her the cold shoulder when she needs him the most. What is going on?


Disclaimer: I Do not own Bleach,

Unbeta'd

I'm Sorry.

The weather has been a dreadful mess for the past two months. Who knew the Soul Society could be affected by monsoon season? Although the weather was unfortunate and caused some problems for reapers on missions to one captain it was tolerable, that's because what she felt inside was the same.

Two months ago tragedy struck and not only was Kurosaki Rukia left widowed as a young woman but she was also left to raise their daughter Hisaki by herself.

It was an ordinary mission with Ichigo's and Renji's squad. Renji took up leading squad six after Byakuya decided to take an early retirement and teach etiquette at the Soul Reaper Academy, something he enjoyed immensely as there was no insubordinate lieutenant to mess things up for him. Anyway, during their mission something went horribly wrong and in the end half of the men didn't come home. Nobody expected this to happen, it was only a routine scouting to make sure everything was going alright in the world of the living only it wasn't.

When Rukia woke up the next morning and heard someone knocking on the family's front door she was about yell and berate Ichigo for waking up the baby because he forgot his keys but when she opened it, it wasn't her red-headed husband grinning down at her it was the head captain, her brother and Renji looking worse for wear.

"H-Hi…" She spoke softly, not expecting this odd group of visitors, even though it was routine when a soul reaper died in battle it didn't occur to her that that's what was going on.

"I-Is everything okay?"

"R-Rukia…" Renji stuttered. After everything he saw how could he face his best friend and tell her her husband was dead. God those two meant the world to one another and after nearly six years of trying they finally had a child and now because of his mistake Ichigo's daughter will never know her father, how could she when she was barely even a year old.

"God Renji you look like shit. Where's Ichigo? Don't tell me he's in worse shape than you." Rukia chuckled nervously.

"Rukia." Byakuya called out after clearing his throat.

"Yes Nisama?" She asked, finally acknowledging her brother's appearance.

"We must talk."

Once Rukia heard her brother say they needed to talk her heart stopped. It wasn't what he said it was the undismissable tone of emotion coming from him that made her blood run cold.

"Aright, please come in." She said as she moved aside and allowed the three men to enter.

"I'll grab some tea." She said quickly once she showed them to the den.

Once she was in the kitchen and away from everyone she finally let her thoughts catch up to her.

'This can't be happening, it just can't…' She thought to herself as she grabbed hold of her chest where Ichigo's ring was settled on the gold chain around her neck, he never wore his wedding band when he went on missions, he didn't want to damage or lose it.

It must've been sometime since she went into the kitchen for Byakuya entered the room with a soft look on his face. There in front of him was Rukia curled up in front of the fridge, head tucked into her knees. It hurt the nobleman worse than any battle wound. For his sister's happiness meant the world to him.

"Rukia…" He said as he kneeled down beside her and placed his hand on her back.

"He's gone isn't he." She asked as she looked her brother straight in the face.

Byakuya sighed and nodded.

"There was an army of high level hollows and by the time we got word it was too late, most of the men were gone. Ichigo included…" Now Byakuya didn't necessarily like the red-headed Ryoka boy but he made his sister happier than he had ever seen her, and he has kept the promise he made to him the day he asked for his blessings. Well up until last night.

"I want to see him…"

"Rukia."

"No. I demand to see my husband!" Ruka yelled as she stood up on her feet.

Again Byakuya sighed as he got up and in a moment and a flurry of Sakura petals the two of them were standing in the hallway of the relief center.

"Rukia… I must warn you." Byakuya started but was cut off by a wave of a hand.

"I've seen my share of death Nisama." She answered as she entered the sterile room.

As she got closer to the middle of the room she could see what looked like a tuft of red-hair peeking up from under the blanket. The same tuft of red-hair that she was accustomed to seeing every morning sprawled across the pillow to her left and the same tuft of hair that her infant daughter wore with pride.

With each step her heart felt like it was cracking. Once she reached the bedside and raised her hand to the blanket a gust of wind rushed through the window, and although she wasn't sure she swore that the wind brought with it the smell of strawberries… her husbands scent.

At that moment any strength that she held onto abandoned her and she fell apart, falling to her knees and she cried, cried harder than she ever thought she could… harder than the night Kaien died, harder than the night she bore their baby girl into the world. Even though she heard and acknowledged the presence of her brother, the head doctor and Kurosaki Isshin, she didn't care. All she cared about was the fact that she would never see Ichigo's smiling face again or hear his laughter… He was gone.

"Wahaha!"

At the sound of a piercing scream Rukia Kurosaki jumped out of bed and ran down the hallway and into her daughter's bedroom. On high alert Rukia flipped on the overhead light and had her zanpakuto at the ready, prepared to annihilate anything that would dare harm her baby. Once Rukia noticed that the was no unknown presence in the room with them she physically relaxed, and once she saw her fourteen month old trying to grab at the blankie that dropped from her crib she let out a little laugh. Hisaki was obsessed with the blanket that her aunt Yuzu made her which was stitched together with Ichigo's baby clothes. At first she didn't seem to care for the thing but once Ichigo passed away it never left her side, it was almost as if she knew that it was apart of her father.

"Aww poor baby, did your binky fall out?" Rukia asked softly as she bent down and placed the blanket back where it belonged.

"Papa!" The baby squeeled as she hugged the blanket as tight as she could.

Rukia smiled softly as she smoothed out her red-hair.

"Yes Aki-chan that is Papa's"

After Rukia fed the baby and put her back down for bed she returned to her room. As she lied down and tried to get comfortable she thought back to the horrible dream she had not too long ago and she was thankful that Hisaki woke her up. Life has never been the same since. After Ichigo's funeral the head captain appointed her two months leave for her to grieve and get accustomed to life as a single mother. Sure she had people around her that have showed their support, especially Byakuya and the Kurosaki's something wasn't quite right and she knew what it was. She hasn't spoken to Renji since that night and when they meet in passing he always looked the other way and one time when he bumped into her on the street he caught her and said sorry, although to the people around them they took it as an apology of knocking her over but to Rukia who knew the man better than anyone else she knew that there was something more. And she was intent on finding out what it was.

When the alarm went off that morning she got up, made breakfast for herself and prepared the baby a bottle and snacks for the day, the first day of daycare for her and work for Rukia.

After she dropped the baby off at the nursery she checked in with her squad who all seemed over joyed that their beloved captain has returned.

"I'm glad to be back at work and I thank you all for all the support these past few months and I assure you I will give it my all and I assure you everything will go back to normal. Thank you." She said with a bow and everyone applauded and left to continue their duties.

Soon after lunch strolled around and with a wave to her subordinates Rukia took off in the direction of the sixth squad barracks.

When Renji heard a knock on his office door he wasn't expecting Rukia to be on the other side and was startled.

"Long time no see Renji…" She said with a wave.

"Y-Yeah long time… come on in." He answered as he stepped aside.

"Care for some tea or perhaps something stronger to mark the occasion of your return to work?" He smiled.

"Tea is fine, thanks." She said as she sat down on the couch.

"So…" Renji started after a few moments of awkward silence. "How is my god-daughter?"

Rukia looked up at him and sipped her tea.

"She misses you… we both do." She said.

"Yeah… sorry about that." He told her as he looked away.

"Why?" She asked.

"Well you know, you and… and Ichigo asked me to be her godfather and I haven't been there for you guys much recently…"

"No I mean why are you always apologizing?" She asked. "Ever since Ichigo died you've either ignored me, avoided my gaze or apologized and I want to know why…"

"Rukia…"

"No don't Rukia me Renji! I deserve to know the truth about what happened that night!" She yelled.

"I-I cant…"

"Why the hell not…"

"Because…" He said as he placed down his cup of tea. "If you knew the truth you'll never forgive me and how could I keep the promise I made to him."

"What?" Rukia asked dumbfounded.

When Renji looked up he sighed and spoke. "Please forgive me Rukia…"

"Forgive you... for what?" She asked

"For killing your husband…" He answered as he looked down to his hands that were curled up into a ball on his lap.

 _Hiiii! Everyone I'm so sorry I've been gone for so long. These past few months have been nightmarish and I have finally felt inspired to write again. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and depending on how things go I may or may not extend it. Sorry if the grammar is crap it's been awhile since I've written._

 _I hope you all had a wonderful summer._

 _Keep in touch._

 _Xoxo_


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